Love can dig a shallow grave, baby

I knew I had survived where others thought I would be dead. "Strong will to live" and "Couldn't kill you even if they had tried harder" were statements I frequently heard. Whatever the reasons for my miraculous recovery from the coma, the love and friendship that had cocooned me continued during the difficult weeks. You really do find out who your friends are during a crisis. They are the ones that bring food and comfort to your family, offer to take of neglected pets, household chores and yards. They are the ones that stand beside you as you take those first steps on the parallel bars; walking behind as you learn to use the walker and chant with you, "step, step, walker, stomp, stomp!" They let you know they love you with countless cards, letters and flowers. They laugh with you, gently poke fun at you, and make you glad that you're alive.

There is the other kind of friend. The one you thought you knew after 15 years of friendship. In the past, I'd overlooked past acts of shallowness, inventing excuses where none were offered. I told myself he loved me, had always been this way, and that he would be there if I needed him. He disappeared. Not right away and still not completely. He didn't return phone calls for weeks, leaving messages with the explanation that,"he was busy, the stock market was crazy, his dog was acting up or he'd been trying to get the house ready to sell." He would even roll all the excuses together if it had been a particularly long time between phone calls. If I was lucky enough to actually speak to him, he was watching a movie or in a bar trying to pick up some bimbo, "tell her I'm not a bad guy, Jess", promising me he would call me back, and he might, but more often he wouldn't. I loved him as a friend. My girlfriends and I will tell stories about stuff he's done and break out in hysterical laughter, even though we've told the same story over and over again. We've even named a bodily stance after him.

I've cut him out of my life. Holding onto the friendship is a waste of time and energy. It's like trying to breathe life into a relationship that's been dead for a long time but neither person wants to be the one to end it. I don't even think he's noticed.