No Pain, No Gain

First of all, I did not make any resolutions. I've decided to meet each day head-on and deal with whatever happens. Pretty much what I've been doing the last two years.

Have I ever discussed my physical therapy? I go three times a week, an hour at a time. In the past I called physical therapy, in very dramatic fashion, "my hour of PAIN". Now, it is simply physical therapy. One more step to my wellness.

Each session has the same components. Massage - which is mostly painful. The muscles in my leg, particularly my foot, are really tight. Lightly applied pressure makes me want to scream, my nerves are so sensitive. In case I've never mentioned it before, my nerves are damaged. I can feel pain but not sensation. What a trip, huh? So, you can stick a nail up the heel of my foot and I probably wouldn't feel it but the nerves higher up on my leg would be screaming because they are being disturbed. Weird, weird, weird.

Then we do fun stretches and what I call "tummy time". I must look ridiculous, lying on my belly, squeezing my butt cheeks. Whatever. It's suppose to help, I just hope I'm not scaring someone walking by me. I don't want to look like that Jim Carrey character (Ace Ventura) that talks with his ass. Sigh. I probably do.

For the last bit of fun we mix it up. Pull weights, walker exercises or like today, sit on a big ball. I told my therapist that if I sat on the ball and it burst, I would never be able to return. So I sat. It didn't burst. I did exercises most people would find easy. For me? I was twitching, my heart was pounding, and I was so afraid I would fall off the ball, despite the belt tethering me to my therapist, my Dad anchoring me in the front, and chairs on either side of me. I was unsteady at best. Trying to lift my left foot in coordination with my right hand was incredibly difficult. It brought back memories of my, "walker, step, walker, stomp, stomp!" days when I first started walking again.

My therapist is telling me that once I'm comfortable on the ball, we're moving to the floor. THE FLOOR? I haven't sat on a floor since December 2005. I don't even know how I would get that low then possibly get back up. It's tremendously scary. But I'll do it. I have to do it. Dammit.