Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Naked Daze

I'm sitting at my computer naked, typing. I'm having a naked evening in my bedroom. Sometimes it's nice to simply doff all clothing and let my body breathe.

I'm certainly not as modest as I know my Dad would like me to be. There are times I find no compelling reason to wear pants in the house. I mean, I'm wearing a long t-shirt and I'm sitting in a wheelchair, so it's not as if I'm flashing my cash and prizes to all that can see me. Do you know how hot it is to sit all the time? I gave up underwear four years ago - it's just another layer to trap heat. I stand up every 1/2 hour, as I was instructed to do while in rehab. Keeps the circulation moving in your body. I do it because it airs out my ass. It gets hot sitting down, especially on a gel pad. It captures all my body heat and it is as if I'm sitting on a burner, which if you think about it, I am. It can be downright uncomfortable.

When I see my fellow Scooters I'm tempted to ask if they too suffer from hot ass or if I'm just special. During our recent heatwave here in America's Finest City, I was so frickin' uncomfortable. I felt like I was on simmer all day long. Nothing like sitting in your own pool of sweat. Ick. Thus, I have naked days or evenings, depending on who is staying with me.

Mom rolls her eyes at me. My poor nephew once asked me to, "Please, please, put on some underwear." Poor baby. He came downstairs one morning (I was still living in my parents home, bed stationed in the dining room) and saw me spreadeagled, in all my glory. He was nine. I don't think I traumatized him too much because he still likes girls.

My sister, well, I don't pay attention to what she says about my non-under wearing. As long as I don't have a repeat performance and scar my nephew for life, I think she tolerates me. It does bother her when I roll around wrapped toga style in my towel, fresh from the shower. Ah well, can't please everyone I suppose.

I'll explain it simply as this: When you spend three months splayed out on a hospital bed, left leg bandaged and propped up high on pillows wearing a gown that doesn't close in the back, well, modesty is lost. Top it off with many doctors, nurses, CNAs, nursing students, various hospital staff coming into the room unannounced, I flashed a lot of people.

Case in point: Around the seventh week in the hospital I needed to have my left leg aspirated. Yes, it is every bit as painful as it sounds. Anyway, I needed to be transferred to a special bed but my room couldn't accommodate the two beds and all my pretty IV lines, etc. After much discussion, it was decided to complete the transfer in the HALLWAY. You see where this is going? Oh yes, but not just in the hallway, they had to do it in the hallway IN FRONT OF THE ELEVATORS and nursing station. I put this in capitol letters because it was that mortifying. At one point, the orderlies had rolled me onto my side with my ass FACING the elevators, and then "bing" the door opens and I don't know how many people come out but it felt like forever before the doors shut. I, in an effort to contain my embarrassment, shouted to anyone within hearing range, "Hey, I normally charge $5 for that view, leave the money on the bed!!" Made people laugh but I wanted to cry.

Anyway, that's the big reason I lack modesty about my nakedness. I'm not going to parade around in front of others (unless you wave that money, honey) but in the comfort of my own home, I think my ass deserves a break.


At 1:38 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sis--you crack me up. haha!


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