Auntie Pain

Just one day without pain. What I wouldn't almost give for one day without pain. Four and a half years of non-stop pain. If I slow down and think about it too much, as I am today, it drives me a little bat shit crazy.

Frankly, I don't know how I do it. I mean, I should be addicted to pain killers by now or maybe even the illegal stuff. I'm not complimenting my stamina, I'm simply amazed at how I cope. Because now that I'm thinking about it, I can't figure it out.

Pain is relative, as the saying goes. Earlier last week, Missy R. and I had lunch with a former co-worker. At one point, the co-worker said, "Scooter Girl, you don't know how much pain I'm in - it's terrible. You can't even imagine." I almost fell out of my seat. Then I remembered that I'm not the only one suffering. I forget sometimes that it's not all about me. Seriously. I focus on me so much everyone else is kinda fuzzy. I don't think in a bad way but more of a "it's all about me so why bother?" kind of way.

Today is an exceptionally horrible day for me. Off the chart, can't be measured, just cut my leg off already, sort of pain. I know that I've trained myself to ignore pain as much as I can but this is waaaay worse than normal. If I could gnaw my leg off, canine style, I would seriously consider that option.

Are there great rewards in the next life for enduring excruciating pain in this life? If there is, I'd like to submit my list of demands (I can demand, can't I?):

Two good legs (to be precise, all extremities should be in working order)
Matching shoes: pretty, pretty matching shoes. Left and right.
Places to walk and wander for hours. Lots of flowers and grass.
Stairs to climb. Not many, enough to prove that I can do it.
No pain of any kind. That's all.

There is probably a long line of people ahead of me, each one thinking the same thing - just one day. Just one day without pain.