Monday, July 12, 2010

Night Stalker

It's almost 1am here in America's Finest City. I just finished stalking an ex-boyfriend on the Internet. WHAT? I was bored. Oh c'mon, we've all done it in some form or another. Despite what Trekkie of Avenue Q says, the Internet isn't always for PORN. Sometimes it's for, um, searching out old acquaintances because you want to reconnect...or, as in my case, I'm simply nosy. Truly, I don't really care about this other person's life, I merely want to see what he's accomplished since we were together.

Did I find out anything interesting? Not really. Married. Kids. Seems like he's a success in his chosen profession. Good for him. Was I disappointed nothing scandalous was lurking in his past? Honestly, maybe a little. Because sometimes, at 1am, you're curious to know that the person you once cared about and even dreamed of a possible future together, might not be so happy without you. I know, I know. No one needs to tell me how wrong this sounds...and how egotistical either. I didn't say my thought process was logical, it's 1am - I'm calling it an Internet Booty Call without any real booty.

I know I'm not the only girl in town that has this habit. Some of my closest friends are admitted practitioners...hmmm...perhaps that's why they're my friends. I can even name a few guys that have Internet stalked their exes. At least I'm not calling and hanging up once he answers his phone (this is so 1990's - before caller ID) or sitting outside his apartment building waiting for him to get back from his date (you know who you are); or pretending to "bump" into him at the grocery store with a cart filled with what looks like stuff for a romantic dinner date at home...uh, not that I've ever done that, I heard of a friend of a friend that pulled that stunt. By the way, it didn't even register on his radar. He couldn't get away fast enough. At least, that's what I heard.

I don't want to meet my ex and catch-up on our lives. There's not even the remotest possibility of any flames being rekindled. Not carrying any torches. No fire in my belly that needs quenching. It's 1am and I can't sleep. This is safer than Internet shopping or porn, right?

I think a lot of people Internet stalk their exes and would prefer not to admit it. That's why we do it late at night when everyone else is asleep. Because it feels kind of sleazy, naughty and fun all rolled into one.

I wonder what my 4th grade boyfriend is doing now...


At 11:23 PM , Blogger Buttercup2489 said...

I love this post!!! Who would ever wait outside a building--like GMFB!!!!

At 11:26 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too funny...we just had this conversation! Maybe the next time lady insomnia strikes me, I'll do a little bit of IS (internet stalking) myself.


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