Merry Month of May

It's May. It's May. I can't believe it. Where has 2011 gone? Just a quick recap for me: I adopted a dog - a cute little 14 month old Maltese. I never thought of myself as a "purse" dog owner. I've always loved pugs and big dogs like Boxers and German Shepards. There was something really sweet and special about this little puppy, though. She has brought me lots of laughter and love in the last few months. No regrets here!

Haven't done any traveling. It's been really nice staying close to home base. Have a few trips coming up in the next couple of months. Good thing my puppy is so tiny, she can come with me on the shorter trips, I'll drop her off at my sister's on the longer journeys.

My leg has been the same. No great changes, pretty much the same pain, different day. I did get a hell of a spider bite on my right leg. It was icky and gross. Now in the final stages of redness and black bruising around the bite area.

And now for something else: I'll be 48 next week. 48. I write that with pride and happiness. Every year is phht! to what might have been but it was a good thing it didn't.

I do have a few stories to tell but it's time to wrap it up. My puppy is calling me to bed; she lets me know when it is getting late - finding it cute right now, probably will be annoying within a week, so I'm riding the adorable factor right now. Doctor tomorrow (part of my story) and I promise I'll have something posted this week. Happy Monday!!

Is it April already?

I know I haven't written on my blog page for awhile, but I didn't think the last entry was back in January! Where did the time go? My days have been filled only I can't remember with what events. I've travelled a little bit; more on that later.

Preparing my next entry. I'm planning to have it posted before the week is over. Hope your taxes are all finished and sent away to the IRS - and that you are in line to receive a nice refund.

Happy Sunday!

Addicted

Did you know that Judge Judy is on for more than 3 hours PER DAY? Not all at once, scattered enough throughout the day so as to satisfy those that love the curmudgeony judicial official that is all things Judy.

Judge Judy is Senior Crack. Meth. Heroin. If you are over 60, at least in my family, Judge Judy is IT. All must stop when Judy speaks. Nothing else is on nor will anything else be watched. Even in my house. Example:

Me: Parental Unit (P.U.), would you please change the channel to 8?

P.U.: WHY?

Me: Uhhh, because I want to watch something.

P.U.: Can't you watch in your bedroom? Judge Judy is on now!

Me: Don't you have your own home and TV to control? (I said to myself...in my head)

Sigh. JJ, as I call her fondly, is now blaring in my living room while I am relegated to my bedroom. In my own house.

Sigh.

That's what friends are for, dummy!

Tomorrow I'm lunching with the Missys. It's a lunch I'm calling, "I'm sorry I scared you guys but I don't have the cancer and I'm going back to work, I've lost my freedom" - kind of a celebratory/commiseratory thing.

A week ago one of the Missys told us, "it came back and I have the cancer." Okay, wait. Let me stop here by saying that I'm not making light of the situation or trying to take away from the seriousness of what was happening at that moment...but there is a story and it all makes sense. Of course we were worried and scared. Of course we mentally held hands and sang kumbaya. Of course we prayed and hoped the cancer would be a misdiagnosis. Which it was, thank goodness. Um, because when the announcement was made that she "had the cancer" we naturally assumed that Missy had been told by her doctor it was so. We naturally assumed that Missy had received a confirmed medical diagnosis via her biopsy results. We naturally assumed that Missy had seen written confirmation. You know, all the things that logically make sense in such a scary situation.

Not.

Since Missy had had a similar cancer scare before and her doctor contacted her so soon after her biopsy to see a specialist, Missy jumped from Point A to Point Cancer. Which, when you think about it, is not a far leap when you're worried and scared. But no one said to her specifically, "CANCER".

So when that call came from Missy saying, "I don't have the cancer!" color me a little confused. Had we not just been making plans on how supportive we were going to be? Weren't we saying how our rallying cry would be upbeat and positive, none of this lying around and feeling sorry for myself kind of thing? But how did they diagnose/change the diagnosis so quickly?

Ahhh...Missy admitted she self diagnosed. Which has led to a new pact in our friendship. An addendum to prevent future self diagnosed medical calamities:

* No self diagnosis allowed. Written confirmation or verbal confirmation via a known medical source, i.e., doctor, nurse, specialist, is absolutely necessary when sharing major medical announcements. (You will be mocked if said addendum is violated. Be prepared, it's not going to be pretty.)

Our friendship is based on love, an understanding of each other's foibles, humor and an odd kind of respect. We're a weird bunch, the Missys and I. We might be slow to show our emotions but we feel deeply. We mask our pain with a smile. You won't catch us crying publicly unless we've finally reached emotional empty and even that is rare. Those are some of the many reasons we are such great friends; but mostly it is because we laugh together and often. We laugh at ourselves, our families, our lives - everything and anything. Never malicious but always delicious fun. That's why Missy is in for a hell of a time tomorrow. I'm thankful she is healthy and doesn't have "the cancer'...but she has to pay for being silly and subjecting herself to days of torment and worry for nothing. We're going to share in laughing at herself and with us. Celebrate life.

Oh, the other Missy is going back to work. No big deal. Congratulations!!

Christmas Ipecac

It's official. Christmas has vomited all over my living room. Decorations are spilling out of cartons and boxes, the tree has half the lights on while we search for the rest...and it's wonderful.

My first Christmas tree in my new(ish) home. House smells like fresh pine. I'm totally in the holiday spirit. Then again, I haven't been to the malls yet. Check back.

You gotta nerve!

Blah. The weather in America's Finest City has been unstable, which is being kind. Not two weeks ago, we had a thirty degree change in weather - overnight. Temperature went from a chilly 65 degrees to a Kalahari hot 101 degrees. Then back to a balmy 80 degrees, and next we seesawed to 70 degrees. Now it's cold, damp, foggy and cloudy...and my leg is on fire. The nerves were doing the mambo on my leg all night.

I've learned to deal with the nerve pain, most days. But this constant up and down of the weather makes it really difficult for me to have a day to even out. Too many days of the yoyo and I'm spending more time in bed. Today I had to cancel, again, on the Missys because I only had three hours sleep. My family was surprised to hear that I backed out of an outing with the Missys.

Sometimes I get the feeling that it is difficult for others to understand how really painful it is for me. I try not to be a martyr, nor do I want to constantly discuss how bad my pain is at any given moment. But I can hear it in the tone of a voice or the question of, "Why don't you take something for the pain?" that makes me sense a lack of understanding. Not in an unkind way or an implied "you're faking it" tone; I think it's hard to grasp that I'm on a 24/7 roller coaster of pain and I never get to stop. The pain doesn't go away with meditation, chanting or positive thoughts. It is impervious to anything or anyone. It has no feelings and no goal. The pain simply exists.

It would be easy to take pills for pain; thing is, they do nothing for the pain. They make me slow, stupid and sleepy (my three favorite dwarfs!) and the nerves are still picking away at my leg. Surgery is yet another option. I get questioned as to why I'm choosing not to take this route. It's quite simple, really. I know this pain. I've come to regard the pain as an esteemed adversary worthy of grudging respect, admiration even, at its persistence. If I have surgery and go thru with the amputation, what new road will bring the pain? At least two years of recuperating and adjusting to a prosthesis. Ghost/phantom pain. I have that now and my leg is still attached.

I don't know. There aren't any easy answers. I have to go back to bed.

October's Full Moon

October and November were supposed to be incredible months of international travel. Fly to the Philippines then off on a tour of China, South Korea, Japan, Hong Kong and Singapore. Six weeks of Asian fun and history. Unfortunately, it didn't work out.

Mom's brother passed away, delaying our outbound flight which meant that we would miss the start of our travels, throwing schedules all off. It was too much coordinating to adjust so quickly and so, our Asian crawl was canceled. Beyond disappointed. Had a health scare with the Broham (turned out to be less serious than the doctors originally thought) and because sometimes I can be a little superstitious, I decided these were "signs" (yea, yea I know) that I shouldn't go on a trip. The parental units said, "See ya!" knowing I had the Niece, Girlies and Broham here to take care of me. (Note: It was sad that Uncle passed away but none of us were really close to him. He chose to live outside the family unit and we had sporadic contact. At least Mom was able to see him before he passed away).

The first week the folks were gone? There was a crash outside of the house and the windows shook - really gets your heart pounding at 2:30am. Since the alarms didn't go off, figured I didn't need to roll around the house screeching, "INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! PERIMETER BREACH! PERIMETER BREACH!" (for those of you who know me, this scenario is totally believable and would have happened if I felt the least bit threatened. If Missy K. had been here, she would have been screeching louder than me)...it could wait till the next morning. Besides, it was raining and no one wants to get cold and wet that late at night unless there's some kind of fun involved.

Next morning, Missy R. took a look - my rain gutters had fallen down. See? Not mocking my "signs" theory so much anymore, are you? Cost of repair? $700 between parts and labor, plus it took two days since the entire front and side had to be replaced.

It has been a relatively uneventful month. The days sort of blend into one another. Only thing worth mentioning is my sudden physical response to the sun. I'm reacting to sunshine now. No, not like I've been officially welcomed into the Cullen clan (thank goodness because I'm so not Team Edward) but more of an allergic reaction. Yup, go figure. I get itchy, angry welts - started when Missy K. was here. Even if I'm wearing long sleeves, which I do most days since I'm always cold - even if it is 90 outside, my internal temperature feels like it hovers around 70 degrees - and my eyes are super sensitive to the sun. The other day it was as if my vision was a photo negative. Creepy, right? (just to be safe, I looked for side-by-side bite marks, couldn't find any, and garlic doesn't make me nauseous, so I think I'm good). Back to the doctor for me!

Halloween was interesting. I've only lived in my house for two seasons and the turnout has been slow but this year - woo hoo! At least 30 kids, one even told me my costume was "cool and he loved the scars on my leg!" I forgot to roll down my pants when I answered the door and my leg was exposed in its natural grossness for all to see. Didn't even bug me and left it out for the rest of the evening.

Here's hoping November slides along just as nicely. Can't believe the holiday season is here and the year almost over. December is five years since my accident. Five years of the wheelchair. Five years and I'm almost whole again. Full circle. More later.