Is he gay?

I was talking with one of my girlfriends yesterday and she told me she thought the guy she was dating might be gay. I asked her why and here is a brief list of her reasons: 1. He hasn't made a serious move on her though they've been on several dates. 2. His voice is "kinda" effeminate 3. He likes to cook 4. He has a close male friend and they hang out a lot.

Okay, I can see on the surface how these points listed together might make a girl a bit suspicious but these do not a gay boyfriend make. Take it from me, girlie. I use to call myself "the last reststop on the road to gayville" because I had THREE boyfriends come out of the closet while dating me - thus sending me straight to the waiting couch of my psychiatrist. I dated one right after the other so it was easy to see why I had very low self-esteem.

Anygay, I explained that perhaps he hadn't made a serious move on her because he was respectful. I know, hard to believe in our current casual sex environment. As for the voice, two words - Tom Selleck. Okay, two more, David Beckham. Excellent choices for smokin' bodies and choir boy pitched voices. It doesn't make sense but here it is, folks. Sometimes the pitch doesn't go with the pecs. Cooking? There are lots of guys that can cook - both in and out of the kitchen...ordering a pizza for dinner doesn't make a man manly, just lazy. I'll take a home cooked meal from my date any day. If he can cook a great dinner, it leaves me happily guessing what might be for breakfast, you know? So he has a close male friend - a bromance, if you please. Good for him for having enough confidence to have a really close male friend versus many casual friends. It means that he's capable of intimacy (not physical, silly), emotional intimacy, with a male friend. Which means that he has someone to turn to for advice, not just an old copy of Playboy or a quick play of "Knocked Up". It takes work to have a close friendship, if he can do it with a male friend, it makes it even sweeter for you, his girlfriend.

In our technical age it is easy to "hook up", it's not so easy to realize what we've hooked, particularly if it's a good thing. We spend so much time analyzing instead of enjoying the moment. I say - go for it, girlie! The worst he's gonna do is say, "get away from me, girl cooties!!" and the best he will say is, "ohhh, girl cooties. Come here." I hope he proves me right and shows my girlfriend he was worth the wait.

Missy K. left today...

It was a great 10 days. We've been friends for 30 years and still act like teenagers. Too bad our bodies reminded us we were several decades past our teen years!! Too much fun, food, and gabfests. I miss her already.

Simmering

What is it about low expectations that allows a person to cheat everyone around him/her? Is a lifetime of excuses and laziness the rationale used for current digressions? Is it okay for a parent to say to the fed-up siblings, "...look, it's always been this way. Why do you expect more? He/she is trying his/her best." At what point are the siblings able to say, "I CALL BULLSHIT!" without hurting the parents? Is there ever a right time?

Obviously, by the time a person has reached 30+ years on this earth, his/her character is pretty well forged. It would take a lot of self discipline and desire to change - for the better or worse. But if the bar has always been set at 3, why try for 10? or 7? or even 5? If the minimum effort is acceptable, even embraced, why do more? Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about how "trying" is good enough. What ever happened to just "do it" and grow a spine, set of balls or sense of responsibility? Why is it okay to excuse behavior in some while finding the same behavior in others lacking?

Case in point. Take out the trash. Good. Now logic would mean that if you REMOVE the trash bag you should REPLACE it with a new one, right? Apparently, not always. It's good that the trash was even remembered - that is a victory for the team!! How's that for accepting a mediocre performance and applauding it? I don't think so. Take the last bottle of cold water? Well, replace it and while you're at it, put some more in there for the rest of us. It's called shared responsibility. We could all use a lesson in it with everything that's going on around us today.

Another point - thanks for washing your dishes; now how about putting them away? Did you enjoy the food I provided for you? How about leaving some for me? Yea, I know. I sound pissy...it's because I am. I'm tired of being sensitive about certain issues. I'm getting too old to tiptoe around other people's feelings when it's obvious there's a problem which no one wants to address. Hello. You see that elephant standing in front of you? Acknowledge it. Don't put a dress on it and call it your Auntie Helen! There's no way to make it pretty. Sigh. I'm probably not making sense.

I started this post late last night and I'm finishing it up tonight. I thought perhaps cooling down might make me see things less emotionally. Funny, sleeping on it for 24 hours has actually made more sense for me since the reasons why I wrote this post haven't changed overnight either.

MISSY K. IS HERE TOMORROW!!!

YEA!!!

Drink that political Flavor-Aid, lemming!

Humph. A friend is staying with me for a few days while my parents are taking a well deserved break. It's nice to sit and talk but inevitably, the conversation turned to the current political climate.

Look, I respect one's right to choose his/her candidate and political party. That is what makes our country great. What I can't understand is how people are willing to parrot what they hear, watch or read without looking up the facts. And it really frosts my cookies when I'm forced to listen to crap that is wrapped up in political fodder - gift-wrapped crap, if you please. As our conversation ends, I'm shot with the zinger, "Just drink the kool-aid, Scooter Girl, that's what they're giving you. Drink the kool-aid." What the hell is that all about? Is that a Jim Jones reference where all his followers were killed with cyanide laced grape Flavor-aid? Is my party a bunch of lemmings willing to follow our leader to a sure political defeat? Puhleeze. I think change is scary, especially with our economy, world relations, energy problems...but we need to change. I don't believe that the path we are on is what is best for America. There are no "mavericks" for the other party, just a tired old hero and his cheerleader. Don't jump all over me for my personal political beliefs, they are mine and I own them. I don't want to hear how I'm wrong, though. That would mean my beliefs are of no consequence and that the other person feels their beliefs are superior to mine. That's not the way it works. I get to vote for whom I want - so do you. I'm not going to yell, cajole, or whine you into changing your mind. If you have facts to present, then do so but only if you have the correct facts.

For the record, Obama doesn't pal around with terrorists, he's not a Muslim (when he was very young, maybe, as an adult that understands his religious choices, NO), and big deal if his middle name is Hussein. Both his father and stepfather were Muslims. Does that mean all Muslims are evil and want to destroy the world? If that's your logic, then you need to go in the corner and put on your stupid hat (you first, Sarah). Really. Because if that's your logic then Americans are all a bunch of white trash, ill-mannered douche bags. That's the way other countries think of us because of a few white trash, ill-mannered douche bags that were tourists in their country. The apples to oranges logic doesn't work. That doesn't mean I think my candidate is perfect. Neither candidate is perfect. I respectfully choose to vote for whom I think would be the better President. It's my choice. Don't pour me a glass of that purple stuff. I'm not that stupid.

Oh, carbs, I know thee well...

I was feeling frustrated today and I reacted in a very assertive fashion - I ate something. Not just anything, what I craved was a slice of Starbucks pumpkin loaf. The very thought of that soft, chewy, nutmeg and allspice flavored bread makes my heart go pitter patter. There's nothing batter - oh, hell, better (it doesn't sound quite so rhymey though) during the fall and winter months. Before all you "oh, you're just emotional eating and that's never good" elitists start twittering at me, duh, I get it. Having been fat - there I said it - not heavy, not chubby, not zaftig (what?! we ran out of descriptions and switched to another language to mask the word, FAT?) not big-boned, just plain old, ordinary, run of the mill, FAT. Big deal. HA!!

In the past, my weight did bother me. That was before, when I thought I had a remote chance of dating or having an active social life. I'm not saying I want to be like that guy who had to be driven by a tractor, in his bed, through town to get to the doctor; I simply, of late, don't care. There's no vanity, no ego involved, just don't care. I will later, like I always do and will lose the weight. In fact, I'm almost there. For health reasons, I do need to stay in manageable weight range. Oh, can we go back for a sec? Driven through town by a tractor? Hell, you know I'd pretend it was a parade and wave at my minions. No throwing roses, either. Donuts, preferably glazed buttermilk. Or muffins, probably apple spice. See? It's in the details...

Anyfatty, I know that the weight has piled on because of the wheelchair. For the first few months I was home, I needed to gain weight, my blood iron was low and I had little energy. Unfortunately, I've never been a half-way there kind of gal. I ate with gusto, putting all my emotional angst into my food. Inevitably, the pounds crept upwards. Put that together with my inability to exercise the first two years because of open wounds, and well, it makes for some poundage. Hopefully, in the next few months, my exercise level will increase. I'll have access to a therapy pool where I will be able to walk/swim for an hour a day. I'll be weightless in the water. I can't weight - wait - to walk without a walker. Sigh. It's been almost three years since I've had that freedom. I miss it terribly. Sometimes it hurts so bad that I can't walk, I'm overcome with grief. What relieves grief the best? Carbs. Lots of carbs.

I know, I know. I recognize my problem, only it's not that easy. I'm still coming to grips with my situation in many ways and when I feel overwhelmed, I want to eat. I've mentioned before that eating didn't work, that shopping was my panacea. Well, eating won out. It's cheaper and I have more access to carbs. No more. I made a promise to myself that this behavior would stop. No more irrational eating. After today, that is...

Emotional Succubus

Once again, I'm surprised at how long I've been away. Did ya miss me? To be honest, I didn't even think about my blog for the past few weeks. I've been so swamped with my home project that time slipped away.

Now, let's dish. I have to tell you guys that it is always fascinating to me when someone I know changes. For better or worse, I like to watch the show. A few years back I worked with a young woman who seemed normal (notice I used the word "seemed")and seemed (again!) to have her act together. We were casual friends, didn't really hang out but talked during work hours. Then my "accident" happened and our friendship shifted. I blame all the drugs I was taking for my blurred reaction to her personality morph. Or maybe she was always like that but because I really needed all the support I could suck in, I got suckered. But once the drugs stopped, the freak show curtains were lifted and I had the only front row seat.

Emotional meltdowns, irrational acting out, too much "Eeyore" and not enough "Tigger". With everything that has happened to me, I certainly don't have the patience to listen to someone whine about how she is the victim of tyranny, or, as she puts it, "abuse". Riiiight. No matter how many hours (believe me, it was HOURS) I tried talking her down from the ledge, nothing worked. Then it hit me - she LIKED the ledge. She ENJOYED the drama. If everything in her life was smooth, she needed to create a hailstorm, with her at the center, taking all the stones. She can't appreciate the good stuff and has to lament the bad - and never is life simply good. The worst part is that she refuses to see that she creates her own drama. She thinks that she has every right to react emotionally, lash out and then claim the other person deserved it because their behaviour was wrongly directed at her. I don't know if this is an official diagnosis but she has what I term, "Junior Police Officer" syndrome. She wants to correct a stranger's mistake and teach them a lesson. Really? Who voted her Hall Monitor?

How do you deal with the black emotional hellhole that she has created? I can't dump her because, frankly, I'm scared to do it for fear of stalking. Believe me, it's happening now. How many times in a single day does a person need to call, email and text me? I'm waiting for her to show up at my parent's doorstep. She does know where I live. I need to disconnect from her. Each time we talk, unless I can keep the conversation to a "stroke her ego" conversation, I hang up the phone emotionally drained. Again, in my defense, I was so doped up I didn't even notice before. Frankly, I think half the time I was completely stoned and let her ramble aimlessly into her emotional forest of dead trees. Seriously. If there's life in there, it's choking.

Wow. Did I need to vent or what? I have to stop before she drags me completely under. By the way, I've suggested counseling, drugs and exercise. The doctor recommended drugs - nope. Counseling - nope. Exercise, eh, we'll see. How can you help someone who won't help herself?

Anyway, life for me is good. I'm in a great place. Health is steady, lots of activities planned, trips are booked - I'm moving forward. Have a great weekend!