Thursday, July 31, 2008

It's a long road to the end, my friend, and I'm not just talking about my post!

Has it really been a month since I've been gone? I'd like to tell you I've had a busy month - I have, but nothing major happened, simple normal life stuff. The most exciting thing that occurred was Dr. B said it wasn't necessary for me to have another surgery any time soon!!! Well, most of it was good news. He also said my foot was set at a dropped curve and that's pretty much where it's going to stay. I can live with that answer, actually. Funny, 2 1/2 years ago (I know, can you believe it?) I couldn't have imagined my life would be where it is today. I mean, when you think in terms of the future, most of us don't think, "Two years from now I'll have a dropped left foot, I'll use a walker and wheelchair, oh, and I'll be legally blind." See? Doesn't read like a fortune cookie, does it? What's ironic is that I'm okay with my present, despite the obvious "no way, how the hell did my life take such a freakazoid turn?" Goes to show that we're all able to adapt if we're willing to accept what can not be controlled. Don't I sound so very zen?

This month brought a lot of introspection. Randy Pausch died. Have you heard of him? He was the Carnegie Mellon Professor who did "The Last Lecture". Saw the video in February and watch it whenever I feel the "pity me party" blues starting up. If you haven't seen the video, block off 1 1/2 hours and go to YouTube. It's worth it if you're willing to listen to his message. It's very simple, really. I'm not going to say much more because you should hear him speak. And by the way, I'm a Tigger. I always have been but after watching Randy's video, it reminded me that I've never been a "glass half empty" kind of gal (that would be an Eeyore) and these past 2 1/2 years have proved that to me.

More importantly, I want to make sure that I leave some kind of footprint in life. I want to make sure that all my friends know how very much I love them; how much the laughter they've brought to my life has lifted me up so many times. I want my family to know that without them I might have become bitter and angry these last few years. Their love and support has kept me centered (most days); I'm so very grateful that they've been the force behind me to push when I thought I couldn't push forward anymore. I try to remember that words are easy but actions are what matter most - and the hardest to do, sometimes.

I guess this post is about distance. How far I've come and how very much farther I have to go. I wouldn't be where I'm at, however, if my friends and family weren't there for me. So, about distance:

Travelling. I'm going to travel a lot in the next few years. I'm flying to parts of Asia this winter. I'll be gone from Christmas Day till the end of January. After that, Europe. I've always talked about doing these things, now is the time for action, dammit. Time to put some miles on my walker and wheelchair. If I'm going to overcome stuff, why not do it while in England? China? Austria? My nephew has been staying with us for the past two weeks and I realized how great it would be to show him the world. What incredible memories we would create, memories that would be shared for years. Missy K. is flying here in October and we're going to do Disneyland in style. Who cares if I'm in a wheelchair? We'll figure it out - and have fun while trying. Another memory for the future. There's still many adventures for me, Missy's R., P., and S., too.

I'm able to do things I didn't think would be possible. When this all happened to me, it was shocking to realize how much my life would change. Look at me now!! I'm not saying that I've totally embraced the way things happened to me, but - and here's a word I NEVER thought I would say, I've ACCEPTED that my life is what it is. It's okay to do this - I thought that if I did, I would be admitting defeat. It's not defeat, it's my ticket to move forward. I can't ever forget what led me to this point in my life but I'm actually okay with everything that happened. My life is, well, it's my life...and I'm damn lucky to have it.


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