Tarnished

I know, I know, it's been awhile. I've been working on several posts but I needed to do this post first.

Ladies, what is it about the bad boys that keeps us interested? I'm not talking about the commit a crime, have a drug habit, run with the mob, bad boy, either. I'm talking about the kind of boy we know we shouldn't be with but we choose him anyway. There's something about this kind of boy that makes him more interesting, more spark-e-ly than other guys.

I have so many girlfriends that can point to at least one guy in their past where they will say, "What the hell was I thinking?" We think we can change the guy, that our love will show him how to be a better person; that by example, he too can learn to be more open with his emotions. I call bull-shit. It is a hard-learned, time tested lesson with the same result: the guy isn't going to change unless HE wants to - nothing that the woman does or says makes a difference. Usually, the man never changes, just moves on to the next woman that thinks she's going to be the one that "makes a difference".

If we are smart enough to realize that he is never going to be the "forever" we need, we break up. But, as it often happens, we start having second thoughts. The fun times overshadow the reasons we left the guy. We start thinking that maybe this time will be different, that we'll "work it out". Ugh. Ladies, raise your hand if you've said that one before. Riiiight.

Case in point. I have a girlfriend who scheduled minor surgery. Nothing life threatening. Scheduled it several weeks in advance so that her boyfriend could be with her. She should have checked with him first because he was "too busy at work" to be there for her. Wow. I want his abilities to see into the future! My girlfriend had to ask someone else to take her to the doctor's office and stay with her for a few days until she was well. Oh, did I mention that she LIVED with her boyfriend? But he was still, "too tired" to help out. I asked why she would put up with this selfish and thoughtless man. Her response? He, "wasn't always like that". Can you hear me retching, ladies? The best part? Their lease is up so they've decided to move...but closer to his office so that his commute isn't so bad. SHE now has to drive 45 minutes to get to her job downtown. How's that for a big crystal ball look into their future?

I'm not saying I haven't made the same mistakes. Hey, I raised my hand. So when you see someone close to you making excuses for the human "ucktard that is her significant other, you want to bitch slap the girl. I recently told someone that the true character of a person comes out in times of crisis. Some people run scared, others get angry and can't deal, most people are able to stand up and handle the situation. But in a crisis, if your man uses excuses as to why he can't be there for you, doesn't spend every moment he can with you, and allows others to take care of you when you know he should be doing so, there is something wrong. And yet, many women will excuse that behavior, even knowing just how horribly her man let her down. It is as if you were both standing at a crumbling cliff and he took a step back, watched you fall...and you, even free falling to the ground, shout out to him, "It's okay, only one of us should hurt".

Honestly, ladies, why oh why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we continue to put ourselves in the backseat? Why do we think it's okay to accept this type of inconsiderate, selfish behavior instead of saying, "NO! I deserve better. I deserve someone who will love and support me through the good and the bad, not just the convenient. This man can bring me only flashes of happiness instead of a strong, steady glow. He cannot love me the way I should be loved. I quit him." Okay, maybe not so dramatic but you get the idea. Yea, it's hard but why shouldn't we demand the best for ourselves? We get angry at store clerks when we feel we're being ripped off, we yell at the inconsiderate guy that cuts us off in traffic, we write angry emails when we feel our basic rights have been trampled...and yet, when the man who professes to love us refuses to walk across the street to buy dog food for your dog, you roll over meekly.

Sorry that I sound as if I'm lecturing. I don't often do this but sometimes the spirit moves me. Love doesn't conquer all - sometimes we have to do battle ourselves. Love, however, is the ultimate prize.