Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Welcome to my world

One of the most unpleasant side-effects of this whole thing happening to me has been the weight gain. I've always had a problem with controlling my weight, or rather, I liked being able to control something that no one else could. Basic psychology. When I turned 40, I realized I had to change my outlook and I lost 60 pounds. Yup, 60 pounds. I worked so hard at losing that weight, exercised and generally drove some my friends crazy with my weird eating habits, talking about dieting all the time or my sudden interest in name-brand clothing. Hey - when all you can fit in are "Women's World" clothes its so intoxicating when you can walk up to any clothing store and fit in most of the clothes hanging up on the racks.

Anyway, when I got home from the hospital I was skinnier than I'd ever been. It didn't really hit me how much thinner I was until I tried on my clothes and NOTHING fit me. They were all too big!! The knowledge was bittersweet because while most of my body was tinier, my left leg and stomach were big from the injuries. Oh, more on my abdomen stuff at a later time.

Lately, whenever I go out with my folks, my Dad, bless his grouchy old man grousing, complains about how heavy I am to push compared to last year. That even from the prior month I'm heavier. Look, I know I've put on more weight than I'm comfortable with but it's been a real struggle. Nothing is moving the weight off of me. It would have been helpful if I had been taught prior to coming home how to eat more healthy with fewer calories and an even lower activity level. I've been told the meds I'm taking coupled with a change in my metabolism from all the trauma has added to my weight problems. The constant infections and antibiotics added to the weight gain. The many, many pain pills added weight - one damn pill helped me put on 20 pounds in 6 weeks. My Dad had me on a limited protein, soup and salad diet so we knew it wasn't poor eating habits. Sigh.

Now that I'm healthier, I'm trying different options. I'd like to be more active but that's going to come later when my back and leg are stronger. So, in the meantime, I'm back to Woman's World. Yeeeech. I didn't miss this at all.


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